I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
