420 ftw
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
