you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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