Someone shit on the floor
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
