There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
