Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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