I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
