So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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