The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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