Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
