I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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