We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
