Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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