woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
