Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
