Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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