I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
