I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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