She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
