I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
