I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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