I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
