i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
