I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
