the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
