Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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