I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize