Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
They took my balls.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
