I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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