im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
