I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
