I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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