he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize