We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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