I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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