PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
