Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
