its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
