seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
