ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
