we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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