he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I need to align my fucking chakras
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
