1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
