I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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