Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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