my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
