No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
