im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
