he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
they need to just BURY HIM!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
