I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
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