Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Let's get the cat blown out
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize