I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
