you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
