so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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