They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
