in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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