I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
