I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize