I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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