Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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