I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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