theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
