dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
