i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
