Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
