apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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